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[ the second awakening is so, so much gentler. she can see it in sirin's eyes, even as the lack of oxygen almost immediately starts to drag her under again. she's understanding. she's starting to realize-

that stelle's here for her. that she's stayed here the entire time. and that she'll stay again, this time, and the next, and the one after that. and when those words are burnt into her mind's eye, searing her retinas and her soul all at once, a great and terrible relief washes over her. she understands. stelle's done what she came here to do.

about ten minutes into the cycle, she finally - finally - manages to pull out from sirin's mouth. her girlfriend's so small, like this, and while that's certainly exciting it's also a bit... fraught, logistically. so she lets the hotel's magic do its work, watching as sirin's throat and mouth slowly knits themselves back together, and when she lifts sirin's body up-

lines herself up against her, enters her as gently as she can while sirin's still dead weight-

it's strange, how much different it feels this time. this isn't sirin's "corpse." this is just another sleep, another form of unconsciousness. she'll be back soon. and this time, when she does come back - to a hand stroking her hair, to her face buried against stelle's shoulders, to the slow, gentle rocks of stelle's hips in shallow movements meant to feel nice for both of them - ]

"Lyublyu." The first part sounds like leu. I've been saying it wrong the whole time. [ -it's to stelle's sheepish apology. ] Ya tebya lyublyu. Is that any better?

[ her cold body, slumped against stelle, slowly begins to regain it's warmth. and this time, when sirin claws her way back out of the yawning maw of the void she just barely manages to gasp for air before being assaulted by a pleasure that tears a weak, shaky moan from her. she's being split open again, and it hurts.

it hurts, but this time she isn't scared. it feels good, and this time, she can really, truly appreciate it. with what strength she has she clings to the woman who's broken her so thoroughly.

this woman, this being that's a miracle from the stars just as surely as sirin is a calamity from the skies - her girlfriend. the one who's singlehandled proven, after all this time, that she doesn't have to be alone anymore. that, even if she's bad, even if she has to kill her, even if that's really how it has to be...she'll be there with her. she'll bring her back before she's past the point of no return, and she'll still be there when she's back.

sirin heaves out a happy sob, curling her fists in stelle's clothing. it's the not the first time she's ever felt it - kiana kaslana, of course, has had these moments. but this is the first time sirin schariac, as herself, as the bad one who can't let go of the past because forgetting might as well be death, for both of them - this is the first time she's cried tears of happiness.

kiana was right. she'll be okay. and that's enough. ]

D-da. It's good. You're good. Stelle...Stelle...

Edited 2023-10-13 22:23 (UTC)

[ bit by bit, life returns to her girlfriend. she can feel her grip tighten, the sudden working of muscles against her chest and around her cock. and then-

then sirin is crying in a way she's never heard. it doesn't sound like terror, or resignment, or the primal fear that stelle hates almost as much as she adores. it sounds... small. gentle. like march, finding her after a separation.

stelle's cock twitches, flexes inside sirin with the next thrust. and she just breathes out a soft laugh, pulling sirin even closer against her. ]

Sirin. [ a response. a reassurance. a promise. ] Just let it feel good. You don't have to be afraid.

[ she wants, so desperately, to trust stelle. she does trust stelle, even though she's so painfully full and even though every little touch still sets her nerves aflame. and it does feel good, better than anything ever has. but - ]

S-stelle...it's too much...I can't...

[ she's cut off as she comes around stelle's cock again and as the ability to think starts to leave her again. she moves her hand down to her abdomen, to the base her stitched up wound, to feel from the outside how each sickeningly gentle thrust stretches her body.

maybe not thinking is what she should do. just let it feel good. ]

Please, please....

[ she can feel sirin come, shaking and clenching down around her. it's incredible. she's so, so lucky to have her: beautiful, broken, all-powerful, frail. she wants to tear that power away from her. she wants to build her up, to worship until she is the most powerful god of this universe or the next.

her pace doesn't change one bit. she doesn't lose control, doesn't start going unnecessarily hard. she just keeps those slow, deliberate thrusts going, trying to force sirin through more and more pleasure with each movement. ]

I'm here. I'm here, Sirin. I'll make it feel good. I absolutely, really promise.

Okay. Okay. I -

[ it's getting harder and harder for her to talk as her orgasms build faster and faster and her thoughts drift further and further. she bites at stelle's shoulder, hands scrabbling uselessly against her chest as she's rocked so painfully gently up and down.

but there's still something she has to say, just one more thing before she lets herself go - ]

Scared - 'm...scared. Because - because -

[ because she trusts her. because that trust is something she just used to kill her, even if it was only temporary. because it could've been permanent, if stelle really wanted it to be. ]

- you're not scared of me anymore. And I'm not - scared of you -

...it is scary, isn't it?

[ it is scary. the idea that either of them could hurt that trust without a second doubt. the idea that just as stelle could kill sirin, sirin could kill stelle. the idea that if either of them truly vanished, it would hurt even more than that betrayal.

she leans in, presses her lips to sirin's in a gentle kiss. one hand drops down, her thumb coming down to run in gentle circles around her clit. and she finally just murmurs: ]

Love is scary. [ and then, without stopping to think: ] And I love you.

Edited 2023-10-18 06:35 (UTC)

[ she was hoping for some sort of reassurance, and she does maybe find it in the thought that stelle feels the same way. she certainly finds it in the kiss, soft and gentle and warm. and then stelle touches her clit and between that and the emotions filling her chest to bursting and the cock splitting her apart so lovingly she finally lets go. she comes again, wrapping her arms around stelle in a crushing embrace. she bites and kisses through her clothing at her chest and neck and babbles into skin and fabric - "I love you", disjointed and broken and full of trembling apprehensive joy, in every language she knows. ]

[ that's the final straw that breaks stelle. her breathing quickens; her grip on sirin tightens, somehow. but even like this, she holds off, asking with a quiet tension in her voice- ]

Is inside okay?

[ inside feels best. inside ties them together; inside floods sirin with her love, her desire, her will to keep living. but inside is rough, cruel, painful nonetheless.

that's the choice she wants to give sirin. she wants her to want it. ]

[ it'd hurt.

it'd hurt so, so much. but there'd also be safety, comfort, closeness. she wants to be with her girlfriend as much as possible, so she wants as much of stelle in her as she can have. it's selfish and self-destructive, just like everything else she does - but for once it's something that will give her happiness that will actually last.

so, her body still trembling, face still tucked against stelle, she nods frantically. ]

Please. Inside. Stelle, please.

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